Well, I survived my first year in New York City (technically speaking). There were ups and downs, triumphs and failures, and an all-around sense of accomplishment. It wasn't until I returned to Virginia Beach for summer recess that I had time to think about everything that happened over the past year. Not only was my introduction to the city a great learning experience, it taught me that no matter what obstacle you encounter, someone, somewhere has been there, too. I became a little fish in a big pond. Or plankton in the ocean. Also, more than ever, I am aware of how many fish there are in the sea, if you will. (Clearly, I've been at the beach too long; I'm experiencing an outpouring of ocean-themed expressions.) Back to the point. I intended to write a post on the subject HOW TO SURVIVE IN NEW YORK CITY. I hastily realized that I do not know how to survive in New York City. Hence, I've decided to compile a list of some important things I've learned which may or may not promote survival. If you're reading this and you are a bonafide New Yorker, please don't judge. These are only my premier insights, and I am sure to learn and understand much more as I continue to acculturate.
Things I Learned In NYC:
1. I'll begin with something I didn't learn. How to walk in high heels. It's one thing to throw them on and hop into a taxi a la Carrie Bradshaw, but I somehow always ended up somewhere that required the maximum amount of walking while sporting the highest, most precarious of heels. I've already covered the dangers of wearing said heels into the subway (for recap, see previous entry). And mid-trek, at the very moment I would resort to pulling out my emergency ballerina flats, a 6'5" anorexic supermodel would flash by me, towering in the Empire State Buildings of heels. I could only cower in shame. P.S. For the record, I've mastered the recovery of high heel damage (ice, band-aids, flip flops, etc.) but not the art of wearing the catastrophe of footwear in the first place.
2. Back to things I've actually learned. Just when you think you're on top of the New York public transit world, and you're absolutely sure you'll never again need a map (Ugh! Tourists!), the A train skips your stop, the L to Brooklyn is shut down for repairs, you hop on an Uptown Express instead of a Downtown Local, or you zone out on the train and end up in Queens.
3. The best way to learn the lay of the land is to shop. No, really. When 90% off Diane von Furstenberg frocks are on the line, I can miraculously navigate my way to absolutely anywhere. Even to an obscure corner of the Lower East Side that is only accessible via foot. It's also a good way to make friends with other shopaholics. Or enemies if you wear the same size.
4. Andy Warhol said it, and I'll say it again. The only bearable time to go to Central Park is when it's rainy and cold. If you go at any other time, expecting an oxygenating oasis from pollution, you will be met with pollution in the form of people--hordes of them. Most are clad in some variation of sportswear, in some blend including lycra, participating in some semblance of cardio activity, blatantly depleting the O2.
5. Everything is a tourist attraction in New York. It's impossible to escape the blinding flashes of disposable cameras anywhere you go, including the library. Frazzled graduate students drugged out on caffeine, furiously typing final papers must be a rare breed that is only found in Manhattan. Or so one would think by the number of Idahoans snapping candids of said breed in their natural habitat.
6. Everyone in New York City is an artist. Whether visual artists, musicians, designers, actors, dancers, writers, every single person falls into one of these categories. This is both good and bad. It is good because ambition is an epidemic. It is bad because I need a freaking job.
7. Everyone in New York City is from somewhere else. Very rarely have I met anyone who was born and raised in the City. That is probably because if they were, they wouldn't talk to me in the first place.
8. New Yorkers love to wear black. Being that my personal favorite piece of fashion is a hot pink wool swing coat trimmed in fur, I may never fully adopt the City lifestyle. It also helps to identify tourists (as if the binoculars, flashing camera, fanny pack, and I Heart NY t-shirts weren't enough).
9. In my experience, celebrities are not particularly striking in person. With some exceptions, they have just as much cellulite and wrinkles as the rest of us. And they always wear sunglasses.
10. Caffeine is the New Yorkers' drug of choice. I have never counted, but there must be hundreds of thousands of coffee retailers in the five boroughs. Starbucks alone boasts 224 locations within a 5 mile radius of campus (according to their store locator). And no matter what time of day, at any given location, there is STILL a line of at least six people. Now that is impressive.
11. Roach coach cuisine is not entirely offensive. Now, before you stop reading this post, let me explain. Upon moving to the City, I was completely opposed to consuming anything from a wheeled cart. However, I must admit that the occasional $5 hot dog can be somewhat exhilarating, especially if you haven't eaten carbs in days and your periodical intravenous dose of caffeine is wearing off. But I wouldn't make a habit out of it for fear that my body would implode.
12. Cabbies should be labeled as a separate race. From loudly singing Katy Perry off-tune ("I kissed a girl, and I liked it..."), to sharing photos and shoe sizes of all 114 of their relatives, to perpetually screaming another language, to inquiring about my strip club preference, to driving 65 mph in a 25, they never cease to amaze, entertain, endear, or terrify.
13. Avoid Times Square at all hours of the day and night. If you must venture through it, wear protective footgear (i.e. steel-toe boots), to avoid your tootsies being trampled.
14. Prepare to be inundated with flyers, pamphlets, advertisements, circulars, and coupons of all sizes, shapes, and colors. Hastily discard all of them, even if they claim a free massage with purchase of won ton.
15. People watching is at its prime in New York City. There is no way you could ever prepare yourself for who or what you may see at any given time, at any given place in the City. Even a swift jaunt to the nearest Whole Foods may become a lesson in the unique practices and/or appearances of city denizens. One of my favorites was when I nearly collided with four dachsunds in a stroller, all wearing hoodies that matched that of their owner. Or the woman in a metal dress strolling (noisily) down Sixth Avenue. Or another woman diving head-first into a wedding cake on the corner. Or a couple twentysomethings walking a large parrot on a leash in the park.
In conclusion, New York City is not for the faint of mind, body, or soul. It is a daily experience which can be seriously overwhelming, but it can also teach you things that you could never learn anywhere else. Living in New York City is a challenge, but it is well worth its daily dose of thrill. I am so looking forward to embarking on my second year and the adventures that await!
